Does S/He Love Me?
Journeying Into the Abyss of Vulnerability
Understanding love is understanding yourself. Finding the right love prompts you to call upon the deepest part of you, that part of you that is either unknown to yourself or who you dare to disclose. Exploring the deepest parts of ourselves forces us to face our vulnerabilities and challenges us on our willingness to share these vulnerabilities with someone other than ourselves. For some this is easy. Some people love love, and their desire to energetically connect with others is of little challenge to them. But then there are others, others who struggle with the ease of relinquishing the deepest part of them to someone other than themselves. This is of great challenge to them because oftentimes it is the pain of distrust that has led them to suppressing the desire and need to embrace the energetic union that creates a natural soul desire, that desire is love.
In our quest to discover does s/he love me, we begin the chase. Chasing the enigma of complex thoughts, actions and feelings that drive us to question whether our love, for the object of our affections, is returned. Now this process is interesting. The tendency is to stay in our minds, rolling around and around about the words and actions that s/he has demonstrated to determine if s/he truly loves me. Fearful of asking directly, “Do you love me?” we are content staying in our minds, allowing it to continue to roll and roll and roll. It drives us insane. But the fear of the answer drives us to continue the game because knowing the answer forces us to take responsibility and action for the answer we receive.
If the answer is in the affirmative, it makes you confront you, knowing that you hold the responsibility of maintaining the sanctity of the love that someone else has entrusted you to protect. If the answer is in the negative, it makes you confront you as well. Taking a hard look at what you hoped to feel and why you needed that feeling to complete and sustain you. Finding the love you want is all about finding you. The most vulnerable you that little to no people are aware of, and that vulnerable you that you may not even know.
Do you love yourself?
To answer the question, “Does s/he love me?” really means “Do you love yourself?” Answering that question will assist you in unraveling the true answer. But you must be honest with yourself as you begin to answer “Do you love yourself?” You see, most people will say with certainty that they love themselves, but their actions will show you something different. Having sexual relations without a condom is not loving yourself. Eating foods that are harmful to your health condition is not loving yourself. Allowing people to misuse you is not loving yourself. Loving yourself is beyond wearing the latest fashions and keeping your wig tight. Loving yourself is understanding you on a spiritual level. Reflecting about what makes you feel good, what talents you can share with your family, your community and the world without expectation! That…is loving yourself!
Love is different for everybody. We all look for different things. Some may look for dependability and reliability. Some may look for intense passion and attraction. Some may look for honesty and truth, and some may look for consistency. Whatever it is that you, in your soul, determine is love for you, then you should pursue that love with all the passion and desire that you crave for your being. But in your pursuit for your happiness, for that love that feeds and nurtures your soul, please know that honesty and truth coupled with the willingness to surrender and embrace your own vulnerability and the courage to share it with someone other than yourself, will lead you to the satisfaction and understanding of whether s/he loves you! Trust that you will know…
Practical Tips and Exercises:
• Purchase a journal and pen/pencil that speaks to you.
• Find a comfortable place where you will experience peace and solitude and will be undisturbed.
• Ensure that your physical environment where you experience peace and solitude is physically pleasing to you (playing light music, burning candles, incense and aromatic oil burners, etc.)
• In your peaceful place where you can find solitude, reflect about the person that you are questioning whether s/he loves you and ask yourself these core questions:
• What is it about him/her that makes me think s/he loves me?
• What is it about him/her that makes me think that s/he does not love me?
• Am I lovable? If yes, why? If not, why?
• If I was the other person, would I love me? If so, why? If not, why?
• What do I need to do to show that I love myself?
• What is it that I am searching for in a love?
• Am I presently that person?
• Record your thoughts in your journal.
• Reflect on your answers as often as you need to until you are clear about the information that you receive.
Be honest about the information that you learn about yourself. Being truthful, honest and clear will allow you to build the strength and confidence to face and embrace your vulnerabilities, and the courage to share these vulnerabilities with someone else.
Consistent reflection and journaling will allow you to discover the parts of yourself that even you are unaware of, and will allow you to heal, if needed, parts of yourself that need to be healed in order to attract the love that you desire which will never make you question “Does s/he love me?” Remember, it is the act of surrendering and the beauty of your vulnerabilities that will attract the people who will truly love you!
Stephanie S. Franklin, Esq., “Mecca”
Empowering individuals, families and communities.