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When You Know It’s Time To Let Go

The Struggle Over Whether To Release Or Re-Energize the Relationship

By: Stephanie S. Franklin, Esq., “Mecca”

Change, the consistent constant that destabilizes our belief of emotional stability, is the divine gift that is the catalyst to re-birthing. With change, comes fear and an uncertainty that leaves us insecure and unwilling to move with the rhythmic call that our soul yearns to experience. But change is inevitable, and should be embraced to harness opportunities of divine fulfillment and new beginnings.

Like the seasons, relationships follow a rhythmic, natural law of cycles that is inherent in its core. And, it is vital to understand the seasons so that you may access the natural power that it will afford you in the journey of your relationship. Understanding that, let’s journey together, through the seasons, and discover the power that is afforded us in our quest of knowing when it’s time to let go.

Spring: New Love Is Always Fun

Spring, the time for re-birthing and new beginnings, fills our hearts with a freshness that creates an unrelenting desire to try something new. New love is always fun. Although a little frightening and uncomfortable at times, new love generates a willingness to explore an experience that excites your soul! You know the feelings, the butterflies, the “I can’t get enough of him or her” feeling, the constant yearning to always be with this person, the, this person can do no wrong feeling. Remember those feelings? Yes, so exciting, so new, your heart so open with love and affection, and a belief that it will always be like this. That’s the beauty of spring…your infancy state that allows you to be the freest, but yet the most naïve. It is here where your true desire of what you want out of a relationship begins to take shape and guides you for the duration of the experience. The feelings garnered in the season of spring are the supreme determinant as to whether you, in the journey of your relationship, will continue to the next season of spring.

Summer: Hot and Heavy

Summer, the season of power and manifestation, proves to be hot and heavy for the two of you! You’re going STRONG!!! Everything is at its height! Your communication is good, your vibe is right, you’re in sync, and everything feels just right! You wonder, “Is this too good to be true?” S/he’s perfect! Looks good, friends are right, family is wonderful…we can build together! This is it!! This is all I need for the rest of my life. I’m set and this is who I want to be with.

So, in your mind, you begin to digest this reality, and pour all of your being into this possibility that appears to be your soul’s desire and the permanent response to the rest of your life. But summer is ending now, and at the end of summer, you are beginning to question the permanence or impermanence of this relationship, and are uncertain as to how you journeyed to this point. You begin to question the wisdom of your choice and whether or not this relationship is your truth.

Fall: A Time of Uncertainty

Fall, the beginning of the death process, is the time of uncertainty and the initial peak into the unclear future of the relationship. Things are changing and you do not quite know why. They just aren’t the same. S/he does not generate the kind of excitement for you that s/he used to. Questions arise that challenge the desire to continue a relationship that feels uncertain to you. Questions such as: “I don’t know if s/he is the one for me,” Does s/he really love me? Do I really want to be with him/her? If so, why or why not?” Poor communication, feelings of irritation at the sight of the person or sound of their voice are only a few of your experiences. These questions and feelings are signs that indicate that your relationship is either ending or re-birthing.

Because the relationship no longer feels good to you, does not necessarily mean that it’s time to end the relationship. It is a possibility that it is your lesson calling out to you to pay it attention so that your relationship can re-birth and generate that awesome feeling of newness that you once felt at the beginning, in the spring of your relationship. It is your memory of the spring season of your relationship that will inspire you to remain or let it go. Or, the discomfort may mean that your relationship is ending and you must decide upon your exit. You must contemplate whether the lesson that is presenting itself is one that you’ve mastered or don’t want to deal with and that your desire is to move forward. My caution to you is this, lessons unlearned are lessons repeated.

Challenges in relationships are signals for lessons to be learned. Every issue in a relationship is always about you and your relationship with yourself. Your partner is merely presenting to you the lesson you must learn. Every challenge is all about you and your personal development. Embrace it, love it, live it! Be honest with yourself, what are your lessons? Are these lessons repetitive? Why are you facing this lesson? How can you master this lesson? Use the fall, the season of power, as your time of reflection. Know, that tapping into the natural rhythm and energy of this season, will assist you in making your determination on the future of your relationship. It’s your choice. You decide whether you want to release or re-energize the relationship.

Winter: The Season of Death

Winter, the season of death, is when the critical decision must be made as to whether or not you will stay. Do you want to completely let this relationship go or are you willing to re-energize the relationship and move to new cycles of self discovery that are learned through your existing relationship. This is your choice. A choice that can be determined based upon thorough reflection and understanding of what you want. There is no fixed formula or equation to assist you with your decision. It is your deep inner knowingness that you must trust to make this decision. Trust that your spirit always speaks to you and honor the truth that it discloses. Oftentimes we doubt ourselves and know the answer. It is our fear of the unknowing that paralyzes us and forces us to remain stagnant and stand in indecision. It is this indecision that will leave you frozen and unable to realize the magnitude of the lessons learned and manifest your truest desire…A HEALTHY, LOVING RELATIONSHIP!!!

Polarities will always exist in the experience of a relationship. Without polarities, your relationships will have no meaning. Understanding natural law, this is easy to follow. You cannot have day without night, you cannot have the sun without the moon, you cannot experience a positive without a negative. All are half truths whose sum is completion. You need this experience in order to understand what you truly desire. So, invoke the power of the seasons. Moving through the seasons with the knowledge of what they offer, is the key to realizing healthy relationships. Remember that everything has its season. Seasons are cyclical, and can last for years. It is your decision to release or re-energize the relationship. Nothing stays the same. It always changes, and these changes are gifts for your personal growth and evolution in this physical reality.

Practical Tips and Exercises:

• Purchase a journal and pen/pencil that speaks to you.

• Find a comfortable place where you will experience peace and solitude and will be undisturbed.

• Ensure that your physical environment where you experience peace and solitude is physically pleasing to you (playing light music, burning candles, incense and aromatic oil burners, etc.)

• Find 15 minutes or more in your day to write in your journal about the positives and challenges of your relationship. Journal these thoughts in the physical space that you have identified as a place of comfort that is peaceful and where you will find solitude.

• Create two (2) columns that designate positives and challenges in your relationship and write these issues under the appropriate column.

• Ask yourself and answer six (6) questions:

• What attracted me to him her?

• Why do I love him/her?

• What angers or irritates me about him/her?

• Do I want to work at keeping my relationship? Or, do I want to release my relationship? Why?

• In the future, what would my life be like without him/her?

• In the future, what would my life be like with him/her?

Continue this exercise consistently. Through consistent intention and action, patterns will emerge that speak to the underlying lessons of your relationship and will answer whether you should release or re-energize the relationship.

Stephanie S. Franklin, Esq., “Mecca”

Empowering individuals, families and communities.