Loving Myself Enough To Say “No” When It Really Counts
My Journey to Valuing Me
By: Stephanie S. Franklin, Esq., “Mecca”
Loving me takes time. It takes the time to get to know who I am, what I feel and how I will move in this world to experience experiences that nurture and support me. Oftentimes we are unaware that we are unloving to ourselves. Moving through life only for good times, unconscious of what lies on the other side of the road. As we move along our path, unbeknownst to ourselves, we encounter obstacles that challenge our very core of our love for ourselves. And, it is this challenge that moves us to deeper reflection, to begin to know who we are and if we truly love ourselves.
Most people will tell you that they love themselves and it is believable. Surface observers will watch how an individual appears physically, looking at how people are dressed, the cars they drive, how they present, what they say, etc. But, it is the conscious observer, the observer of subtleties that sees something different. The conscious observer looks beyond the surface, beyond the material, beyond what is said and notices the unloving actions that are demonstrated by many. Unloving actions such as: unhealthy diets, at risk lifestyles, and poor boundary setting to name a few. These are all clear clues of someone that does not love him/herself. And not loving him/herself, is a prerequisite to the creating a life of pain and sorrow that permeates the soul, and maintains and emotional unworthiness that sets up the foundation of the unwillingness and inability to say “no” when it really counts.
Loving myself enough to say “no” keeps from engaging in sexual relations with random individuals without a condom. Loving myself enough to say “no” keeps me from engaging in sexual relations with my partner without a condom when I know that something in my “spirit” tells me that s/he ain’t right. Loving myself enough to say “no” keeps me from entering into a relationship where I give all the time, and s/he gives little to nothing. Loving myself enough to say “no” keeps me from making it all about the other person all the time and never about me. Loving myself enough to say “no” keeps me from loving my partner more than I love myself. Loving myself enough to say “no” keeps me from having my partner physically, emotionally and spiritually abuse me whenever s/he feels like it. Loving myself enough to say “no” keeps me from eating dead, toxic foods that throw my diabetes, hypertension and other health issues out of whack. Loving myself enough to say “no” keeps me from being involved with anything and anyone who is unable to see my beauty and love me for me! That, is loving myself!!
Learning to love you is a lifetime of work, work that is uncompromising. But, it takes the time, strength and courage to face the truth of who you are and what you need to sustain you. Getting to know you is the gateway to loving yourself. Loving yourself means spending time with you, courting you and reflecting about you. Loving yourself means that it is okay to say “no” when it really counts because saying “no” preserves you and allows you to fulfill your DIVINE destiny that is only unique to you!!!
Practical Tips and Exercises:• Purchase a journal and pen/pencil that speaks to you. • Find a comfortable place where you will experience peace and solitude and will be undisturbed. • Ensure that your physical environment where you experience peace and solitude is physically pleasing to you (playing light music, burning candles, incense and aromatic oil burners, etc.) • Make a list, in your journal, of ten (10) characteristics you love about yourself. (This list should include both physical and non-physical characteristics.) • Reflect on past relationships, and write out at least one (1) time in each relationship you failed to say “no” to something that was harmful to you. The harm can be physical, emotional, mental or spiritual. • For each time you failed to say “no,” answer the following questions: • Why did you choose to engage in this activity? • When you engaged in this activity, did you know that is was harmful to you? • If yes, why did you engage in an activity that you knew would be harmful to you? • Is this a continuous, repetitive pattern for you? • If yes, why do you think that the issue continues to emerge? • What actions will you take to break or change this pattern? • Record your thoughts to these questions in your journal. Remember to be honest with yourself. This is your time for deep reflection and getting to know yourself, both the positive and negative aspects of you. • Create a list of positive affirmations that changes the belief pattern about yourself. For example, you can say, “I love myself.” Or, “I attract loving energy.” Remember to always frame your affirmations in a positive manner. Please do not say, “I am not attracting people who do not love me.” Statements like this are framed negatively and will only attract to you what you do not want, people who do not love you. For ninety (90) days, repeat your affirmations at least once (1) a day. Remember, consistent reflection and journaling with focused intention will assist you in changing your belief patterns which will allow you to emerge a new you, one who knows when to say “no” when it really counts!! Stephanie S. Franklin, Esq., “Mecca”Empowering individuals, families and communities. |
